Nov 112017

Down once more
To the dungeon
Of my black despair!
Down we plunge
To the prison of my mind!
Down that path into darkness deep as hell!

I love Phantom of the opera.  During my depressive states, I seem to really connect with the character of the Phantom.   His music is perfect for the melancholy of my valleys.  Yes, that is why it is 4am and I am up posting.  Let’s see if I can excise a bit of brain matter to help fall asleep.

I feel if I don’t get a good nights sleep, I’ll go more than a little batty.  However for the better part of the last week sleep is something I am sorely lacking. I know that right now, I’m very broken.  I can feel it in every part of my body.  Every joint, bone, and movement tells me. The lethargy, the numbness. Getting out of bed is almost too tough.  It took me about an hour and half past when I should have been at work to be able to even start to surface.  I ended up being about 2 hrs late to work today.

The fact I was only late to work is huge.  I’m going to consider it progress.  I didn’t call off work.  I then worked late to help make up the time. Came home to help DH to build the kids bed, a quick run to the store to buy new paint as the dogs spilled the paint we had.  DH left it on the dining room rug, which got knocked over and the lid must not have been tight because there was a pile of paint all over my cream fur rug.  Needless to say, I no longer own a beautiful cream fur rug.

Then came home and started painting the bed while kid and hubs ate.  Several hours later, I get the kid settled down in the office as his bed is in pieces by the trashcan and his new bed is still covered in wet paint.  Mr. is ‘camping’ in the office with his sleeping bag on his mattress.  Chaos went to sleep with him because he was not adjusting to the new room.  There is one thing I will say about Mr, he loves patterns and routine.  Maybe some days even more than I do.

Toward the end of that, we realize the house is cold.  The furnace has not kicked on and the house is a bit cool at 57 degrees. No fuck the dumbshit… the house was a god damn icebox.  Got it hooked back up to the home network and DH had it running when I came up to bed about 10 pm.   by 3 am it had shut off and never came back on.  Not to mention the fact that it was damn cold.  So, down to the basement I go.  Pulled the filter – and it’s so dirty.  After a few minutes of pulling the filter – hey look the heater started up and after running about 45 minutes we were already almost 10 degrees warmer.   Tomorrow I will have to go buy a new filter.

— Current music:

Beethovens last night – TSO


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